And so it begins...

I've noticed that I like my post titles to end with an ellipsis, not because I am not hopeful of the future, but rather that I have hope in what is to come from the storm ahead. I often am reminded of a story that my grandfather once told me about Christopher Columbus while he was trying to navigate to Asia through the Atlantic, which eventually landed him in the Americas.

While on the perilous seas, Columbus and his three ships worth of crews, traversed a harsh landscape that we know as the Atlantic Ocean. This is the same ocean where the Bermuda Triangle resides and countless hurricanes originate. I can't imagine trying to cross the ocean, attempting to do what very few people had ever done in the history of the world up to that point. In his diary recording the events, Columbus would dictate the day's occurrences and end with, "No land in sight, so today we sailed on."

How hopeful is this message? In our journeys of life, through the thick and the thin, after experiencing disappointment after disappointment, how often do we just want to curl up and give up? I love that Christopher Columbus decided to end the day with an eye of hope.

Many of you may remember my last post was about me having to pull out of school again for the semester to try and address more depression and anxiety issues. Over the break, after much prayer, deliberation and council with family and parents, it has been our decision to pull me out of school indefinitely for the time being, to pursue other career options.

I have been very fortunate that family and friends have been so understanding, because I felt like it was taking the easy way out. My mom told me that to her, having school as a fallback was much easier than taking the risk of not finishing school and trying to make a career. I greatly appreciated this new perspective.

In the beginning of this decision I have been hopeful more than anything that this would be the right thing to do. Physically pulling out of my classes has been one of the hardest things that we've done because that makes this choice official. It's weird because in the back of my mind I keep thinking that I'll go back in the fall or sometime in the near future, but that's not at all what's happening right now.

I've dived more deeply into making this dream of a production company a reality. I had one of the most driven and professional meetings with my friend and business partner. It was daunting looking at all the stuff that we have to do, but exciting at the same time. I'm glad that I have a friend and partner who has great empathy for what I go through on a daily basis.

In other news and from the suggestion of a great sister-in-law, I'm currently taking a MasterClass in filmmaking from Werner Herzog who has done such films as Grizzly Man (2005), Rescue Dawn (2006), and Into the Inferno (2016, currently on Netflix). I am so excited to be taking a class from someone whose story is as inspiring as his films. Herzog never had any formal training in film, and living in a remote area of the Bavarian mountains to escape bombardments in Munich, he never new film existed until he was eleven. He has become one of the most renowned documentarians to emerge in the industry. Just watching the intro video for the class has me excited beyond any previous excitement that I've had while working on a live set or in the studio before, which is saying a lot. I can't wait to work hard in this class and reap the benefits of said work.

There are days in which I still get down. Days where our whole family is sick. or I forget to take my medicine (which is super important not to do) and I still get down or think that this whole dream is not worth it. Fortunately, I have all of you cheering me on day in and day out. I have my Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, ever mindful of me. I feel that many of you have been the answers to my prayers. The words of encouragement, seeing you pursuing your dreams, and your smile or hug are enough to keep me going on this path.

I know there will continue to be ups and downs, but hopefully I can end each day saying to myself, "No dream fulfilled or goal met today, but we will sail on."