The Open Letter Approach...

Photo: http://www.hercampus.com/sites/default/files/2015/09/12/letter.jpg

This is an open letter. A letter filled with unbridled thoughts. One that aims for everyone and no one at all as an audience. This letter is for me, but also for those who want to read.

I want to no longer be frustrated by the confusing nature of anxiety and depression. I feel that I do not understand myself. I am passionate about things and then I get anxious about who I affect by trying to accomplish those things, then depressed when I accomplish nothing.

I feel that everyday I seem to lose another friend. People who I have invested countless hours into caring about and highly valuing the time we've spent together. Distance or some other cause seems to cause us to drift away. Sometimes I shout for you across the waves, but find myself floating utterly alone.

I don't want to be famous, just recognized for my efforts. I want people to understand, even if it's just to themselves, how much I care about them or what I am doing. Even if it's just to yourself, I can still tell. I don't require praise, just silent acknowledgement is enough.

Back to those lost friends, if our bridge is burned by something I did, chances are, I probably wasn't aware that I did it, but even that sometimes makes things worse. I want the chance to prove again my loyalty and devotion, pleading and begging for that bridge to be built again.

I feel frustrated that I have to constantly prove myself to mainly...myself. I am good enough, I do accomplish the amazing each day I decide to get up and meet my children's smiling faces. I have my dear companion telling me every day how amazing I am from an outside perspective.

I want to make a difference in people's lives. I do care about others, and even though sometimes I find myself becoming selfish, I honestly try to do what I can.

Isn't doing what you can good enough? Why do we strive for something that is completely unattainable in our lifetime? Perfection is the pinnacle achievement that comes after failing hundreds of new year's resolutions, weeks of staying up late to play video games, or months of sleeping for the sole purpose to escape the world.

One true fact is that God loves me and he loves all of us. If you don't believe in God, know that the same kind of love I believe in exists within the walls of your own home, the many nights of milkshake runs with your friends, or the listening ear of a parent.

I don't care for politics. I care for people. I care for decency and civility, despite differences. I care for respect, even if you don't agree with another person's stances or actions, everyone deserves the chance or even second chance to be respected as a person.

To my younger self, you have no idea what the road ahead holds or the hardships and joys you will go through. To my older self, you are a strong man that continued on the right path despite the ups and downs of life.

To life, I say that no matter what you bring, I will overcome it. I will celebrate the good times. I will despair in the bad ones. In the end I will say, "I endured you, I conquered you. You had no hold over me or my destiny. I finally win."